I'm not gone

Hi there internet dwellers! 

I'm sorry I haven't been so active lately. I haven't been so flash. 

I have been going through these phases of utter depression. But this time, my depression took my self esteem to a low. Possibly the lowest it has been at in a long time. And let me tell you all something, when your self esteem reaches its lowest of lows you don't just stand up and move on with your life. You feel like you can't move. It affects you in almost everything you do.
During the last 3 weeks I have had so many close moments. I have hidden everything and anything that I could have used to cause myself harm. I was not in a what people like to call a 'good place'. 
I ask you internet dwellers, what is a 'good place'? During those weeks the only 'good place' I could think of was the other side, heaven, or even hell. Anywhere was better that the place I was in then. The moods, the feelings, the voices, they were taking over. I couldn't control myself. I was letting the darkness consume me and my pain. I just wanted to leave.

I know, people keep saying to not give in, that I have PLENTY to live for. That my life isn't that bad, think of the children in poverty stricken countries or the kids with no parents, people who can't afford the cost of the standard human life. People who can't even keep a roof over their head, or hold a job. 
I KNOW! I HAVE BEEN TOLD!
Telling me these things makes me feel bad and selfish. I am consuming things that could be put to better use. I'm eating too much food, I'm living a life which isn't available to more than half of the world!

I don't know where I'm going with this. But I think my phase is ending, or I hope it will. I spent the last two weeks of school feeling miserable. I don't know what I expected, but it hurt to know that none of my friend noticed me close off, stop joining in the conversations at lunch, pull away from them. I felt insecure around them. When I did speak, I was almost begging for their approval, trying to make myself feel like I was fitting in with this circle of friends. Who even knows if they really accept me?
My school persona is not me. I different around people who might become my friends. I act happy. Well I try to. I think I just come off as annoying. The group, they talk about the annoying people who hang around the outside of the group. I feel like I'm one of them. I don't even know if I have a best friend any more. I don't think I've ever had one of them. Maybe in year 3, but they made new friends, and I was left to pick up the pieces of out broken friendship and try to mend it before I lose it forever.
I guess there are more people out there who feel like this as well. I hope so.

i guess thats it. 

Tata for now my lovelies 

Love always,
George

Who likes hospitals?

Hi there internet dwellers! 

So.. I don't know about you, but I believe that hospitals are one of the most boring places on earth.

Why was I there you might ask.

Well, I collapsed before school.

I don't remember a thing between getting out of my mum's car and seeing the doctor. So everything you read is a mix and match of the stories I have been told and my short term memory.

Apparently, when I got to my locker (on the third floor, at the end of the corridor), my friend came over to say hello and I just feel into her arms. Next thing I know I'm in the chaplain's office sleeping on her couch. I woke up to the sound of the bell. My friend was still sitting next to me. I told her to go to class. I don't remember what she did.

The Chaplain and some other people moved me to the health centre, where the nurse force-feed me some toast and made me drink a cup of green tea. According to my mum, the nurse said I ate/drank all of the food/drink offered to me. I must have been out of it, because I HATE toast and tea. After that, I fainted again. I was unconscious from 9am til who knows when.

Around 10am, my Mother convinced the school to call and ambulance. When they got there, it took the nurse and my mum 10 minutes to wake me up.

Somehow I made it into the ambulance. I remember playing with the oxygen mask and having several needles and tubes placed in me to take out blood for tests and replace the removed blood with fluid that I was lacking. 

This is where I black out again. I woke up and I was at the hospital. I had had a CT scan on my head and was just siting in a hospital bed waiting for a doctor to tell me that I was to go home or that I was going to have to stay overnight. 

My friends mum works at the hospital that I was taken to, so she brought me and my mum some lunch (since it was now 12pm). Well, she brought us a sandwich and some orange juice. I wasn't allowed to eat when she left, and when she got back they said I could. But there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to eat that CRAP they call food. It looked like something you would feed a dog.

It was nearly 7pm and there was still no sign of a doctor. I was dropping in and out of consciousness  so i have no memory of what happened for those 7 hours. A nurse came to see us around 7:15pm saying that the doctor would be there within the next 15 minutes. Mum and my friends mum tried to keep me awake to see the doctor so that we could get out of there, or get a private room. About 10 minutes later, over the P.A, the doctor, the doctor that was meant to be examining me in 5 minutes was called for an emergency surgery. The nurse came back telling us it would be another 30 minutes before the doctor would be able to see us.

Sure enough, at 8pm, 30 minutes later, the doctor walked over to my bed. I was so tired, trying to stay awake and doing the exercises he was telling me to do became the hardest things to do. Also, it was hard to pay attention since he was HOT! Like OMFG! Congrats on your face, HOT! (His name was Oliver. (He answered a phone call and said "Oliver speaking")) 

At 8:30pm he walked away, to make notes and talk to the main doctor. (THE ALL KNOWING ORACLE OF KNOWLEDGE and shit) When he came back he told us it was all psychological, all to do with my brain. The most probable cause being stress and anxiety. Other factors that could have cause my collapsing and dropping in and out of consciousness. could have been my unhealthy sleep pattern (I dont sleep), or my severe headaches.   

So, I was living on half a sandwich, and dropping in and out of consciousness, I didn't get to see a doctor until 8pm, to be assessed for 2 hours to then was told that it was probably stress. 

But on the up side, I missed a day of school. And my doctor was HOT 

(I swear there is no such thing as an ugly Oliver!)

Tata for now my lovelies 

Love always,
George

quick qeustion!

Hi there internet dwellers! 

How would you guys like it if I posted some short stories? I would love to share what small talent I have with you guys on the internet. 

Also, if you like this, let me know. I don't know if anyone is reading this but I like it anyway. I was thinking about vlogging. But I know no one would watch it, so I'm just gonna stick  with this.

UPDATE: I'm now single. I broke up with my boyfriend and he didn't take it that bad. It was kind of mutual I guess. So yeah :D

Tata for now my lovelies 

Love always,
George

Sorry doesn't cut it.. but... I'm sorry?

Hi there internet dwellers! 

IM SO SORRY!!

I SAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN!! DIDN'T I!! I said that I wouldn't update. That I would forget or something like that, BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!! My laptop was being a little shit, so I had to take it to the computer doctors (This at my school is called 'M8'. They are as much help as a dead person). So I was without a computer for a MONTH! A MONTH!! So I'm really sorry for this being so late. 

So, I've spent my life doing some pretty interesting things... Let me list them

• I had exams. Not that great, like, just look at my timetable. My timetable was CRAP! LOOK!
  
  
  
  4/6
  PE studies Theory - PM
  
  5/6
  Math - PM
  
  6/6
  Chem - AM
  Drama - PM
  
  7/8
  Human Biol - AM
  
  10/6
  English - PM
  
  14/6
  PE studies Prac - PM
  
  I was rushing all my study, but at least they are done now. Plus I got my results back, and I didn't fail any of them! I still don't like exams
• I went to Fremantle with my 3 friends. By friends, I mean the people who go to my school and seem to put up with me and my overly sarcastic point of view. But the trip to Freo was fun. We went to Target and investigated the toy section, (where the One Direction key chains and Monsters Inc. plush toys were) and the boys section (THERE WAS SUPERHERO MASKS!!). We also found a giant chess set in the middle of the main square, so you can guess what we did. If you guessed tried to play a game of chess in front of the population of Fremantle with no experience... Then you guessed correct. We got lunch, played on the playgrounds with fellow children, instead of questioning why there was a Ferris wheel next to the playground we went on it, and then saw a movie. 'The Internship'. (OMG DYLAN O'BRIAN!!!! *weird non-human noises*) I REALLY recommend seeing 'The Internship'. We then went home to play Just Dance 4 at my house. I give that day a 10/10.
• Rowing Regatta 2# - We rowed in a race. I was in the First 8 (SCARY!) and we came last, but it was cool to be in that crew, even if it was only one race. The commentator had a hot voice, and my friend told me that that means he has to be hot. So we went to check. You see, normally the commentators are 50 to 60 year old guys who just sit there and say who won the race. This guy, he was early 20s, in uni and HOT! like OMFG HE WAS HOT! He made the funniest comments and was just one of the best commentator we have ever had at a regatta.
• River Cruise with Da Boyfriend ;) 
• Rowing Regatta 3# - more races. I was back in the second 8. We came last by like a boat length! so close to not being last. And the hot commentator was there again. 
• School 
• MY BIRTHDAY! Yeah, that was fun. I had the theme 'Disney' and everyone had great costumes and everything. The photos I have from that night... some scare me. 
• Holidays
• Rowing Camp. For those who don't know what this is. It is just 3 days of pain. You get up at 6am. You row, run, and eat for the whole day to do it all again the next day. It's not a fun experience, but if you row, you go.
• Term 3 just started. (YAY school...)
• I have come to realize.. I don't like chemistry... or english... or PE Studies... Mostly PE studies because it has the word 'Studies' in it. It's like they expect us to study. 
• Rowing Regatta 4# was cancelled. excuse me for the next few lines..
  YAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOO RRRAAAAGGGGGGGAAAAATTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAA!!! SLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP IIIIIINNNNN!! YYAYAYA!
  *cough* sorry about that. But we were way too happy for it to be canceled thanks to the crap weather we were having. (Thank you mother nature)

Thats pretty much it. 

Stuff to come within the next few weeks:

• Break up with the boyfriend. (Trust me its for the best. But yeah, I'm not sure how to do it. It's too hard, but my relationship is a friend relationship that we are pushing to become something more, it just isn't working. My friends have told me to get out of it before I hurt him.)
• Head of River.
• More School. Great 

But yeah, life.

Tata for now internet dwellers

Love always,
George

A little bit about me

Hi there internet dwellers! 

I was wondering when I was meant to post something again. I was thinking about making a plan, to update every week. But I feel like then this will feel like a chore, and I'll stop enjoying this and abandon it like most other things I try.

So, second post. Maybe I should tell you a bit about me?

I'm 16-year-old girl currently living in Perth, Western Australia. I guess Perth is nice, but its one of those cities that nothing really happens in. I'm still in high-school (WHOO! year 11) which has its ups and downs. My friendship group has expanded. The people who I felt were close to me, that I grew up with and that I thought could trust have drifted away leaving me in a complete ship wreak state. But weaker friendships have become closer. I'm slightly scared to get attached to these friendships in-case they go to shit. I don't want a repeat of last time.

At the moment I'm doing six subjects at school. These being: Chemistry, Math, English, PE studies, Human Biology and Drama. They are all really hard, well for me anyways, I'm not the brightest and my grades are at and average of a High C - Low B. But I'm enjoying the courses and at the moment I think I'm doing pretty 
well.

I volunteer at World Vision as part of the Youth Support Team. It's a cool program, and the people I've met through it all share a passion of helping other people in need. I guess that is what I really like about it. We have about 100 people in the team now, but no one ever shows up, its always the same group, even when the team is expanding. I feel like we are letting the children and families we are trying to help down because our YST just doesn't show up to events to try and raise money to help them. 

I have blonde hair, and guess what you call an 'emo' fringe. I like to try and add some colour to my life by changing to colour of my fringe frequently. Last week it was orange, and this week it is pink. I normally have blue eyes, but they change by themselves swapping between green and blue. I have been told I have dots in my eyes. They are parted of my eye that just didn't form, I guess, so I just have brown dots swimming around the blue/green sea that is my eyes.

I guess I'm a nice person. I don't really care what happens to me. But I take on everyone else's problems. Its almost like I give too many fucks about other peoples lives compared to my own. I don't know if that is good or not... I'm going to go with not so good.

That is all I really have to say about myself. If you talked to my friends and family they might have been able to come up with some better words to describe me, but I can't describe myself without... without it feeling weird, you know?

Well, tata for now internet dwellers

Love always,
George

They let me have internet?

How do I start this? 
Is it the same as a conversation? If so, is it formal or non-formal? Do I speak like I've known you for ages, or like I've just met you?

Well then, Hi there! 
I'm George and I'm a 16 year-old girl who spends why too much time on the internet.

My real name is Georgia, but there are too many Georgia-s at my school, so its easier to just be George. And yes I know the female way of spelling George is Georg, but I really don't care. I can't spell for shit, so I'm just gonna spell it how I remember it.

So I'm thinking this is going to be a mixture of stories that I have written and wish to put out to the world, rants and documents of my life so that I don't forget what my life was like. (I have a really bad memory) Who really knows? I guess it will grow with me.
Once its on the internet, its out there forever. 

I don't think that I should be aloud on the internet, but lets give this a shot. It will probably be like talking to a brick wall, but I'm hoping it might help.

Oh no, I've hit the dead end of how to end this.
Do I just say bye? 
Until next time?
ttfn?

I'll come up with something.

for now, I just will say ... 

Goodbye internet dwellers!

Love always,
George